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September 30, 2007
Question: Why won't he tell me how he feels about me?
ANSWER: If a date won’t tell you how he feels about you, one of the following applies: 1) He knows the truth is something you
don’t want to hear. 2) He doesn’t know what he thinks. 3) He is afraid you will dump him if he tells. 4) He has decided not to tell
you because he thinks the mystery will keep you intrigued, and that, he thinks, is good.
Example of Number 1: He wants you only for sex. Example of Number 2: He has no experience and does not know what he feels. Example Number 3:
He loves you but doesn’t think you love him. If he tells you, you might laugh and he would be embarrassed. Worse, you would dump him.
(Watch out. It could be the other way.) Example Number 4: The longer it takes you to figure him out, the longer he can keep you as his date.
Wizard
September 27, 2007
Question: Dear wizard, I have been dating this guy for a month, and during the month his ex-girlfriend tells him that she has missed her
period and that she is pregnant. I don’t know what to do. We have fun together, and love each other, but I'm afraid of what this will do to
our relationship. I don’t want to dump him, but I don’t know what is best for everyone. I want to know is it worth staying together,
or should I end it between me and him and just be friends?
ANSWER: If your boyfriend is the father, he should be putting the child’s best interest ahead of himself, which means he should be
thinking of both child and himself before you. This is likely to result in a huge distraction for him that will complicate your relationship.
The child’s mother, even if she does not love your boyfriend, will relate to your boyfriend as the father of her child for a long
time, and that may involve communications and contact several times a day. If you stay with your boyfriend, you necessarily position yourself
right in the middle. If she doesn’t get along with you, or if you don’t get along with her, watch out. If your boyfriend starts
asking for your help, watch out.
If you love him and want it to happen, it can, but get ready for a rough and tumble experience. You haven’t invested much yet. Think
long and hard about the ramifications.
Wizard
September 26, 2007
Question: my boyfriend is an over-protective, repressed, goody-two-shoes, who is madly in love with me. He talks about marriage all the time
and how I need to settle down. I’m a hippie-free spirit who screams in pain at the mention of commitment. Should I dump him?
ANSWER: You are both dreamers. He dreams of settlement, peace, and order. You dream of upheaval, change, and freedom. If you manage to stay
together, one of you will change your dreams.
Or both of you.
In a world of peace and love, compromise is the bread of success between two opposites. If you love each other, then you’ll both
moderate your dreams and find happiness there.
The short answer to your question: He loves you madly. If you love him madly, it can work. If not, it won't.
Wizard
September 25, 2007
Question: I’ve been dating a guy for three months and everything is going fine. But he’s bi-sexual and none of his friends know
about him being bi-sexual, so I cannot meet any of his friends or go out with him to parties he has been invited too. But he makes up for it by
seeing me and coming to parties and events with me and my friends. He has never been in a relationship with a guy before or even had a
relationship at all and he told me once that if he wasn’t with me he would be with a girl. Just recently he ditched his friend’s 21st
to come to a party with me and see me, but 3-4 days after the party he has been acting weird. He normally calls every night but now hasn’t
and isn’t replying to hardly any of my txt messages. I’ve given him two opportunities to see me but he’s ditched them to spend
with his friends. So I’ve decided to wait for him to contact me. What should I do? Is this normal or am I just over reacting?
ANSWER: It is not an over-reaction. The sudden reduction in the number of telephone calls, the lack of replies to your text messaging, and
his ditching the opportunity to see you, are definite turns in a new direction, at least as far as you are concerned. It appears he has cold
feet.
The reasons are not determinable from the facts in your message. Giving him time to sort things out, and let him call you if he remains
interested, or revives his interest, is not a bad idea. Communicate with him occasionally to keep in touch with him, to keep alive the
opportunity to revive the relationship.
A relationship is like a seedling (a young, fragile plant grown from seed). Before the roots reach water and nutrients in soil, a sudden
wind can uproot it.
Wizard
September 24, 2007
Question: i want to dump my man but don’t want to cry for 6 months.
ANSWER: You haven’t given enough information to help you avoid crying. However, note that a dump should be the means of ending a
relationship with a guy who is not right for you. If he is right for you, don’t dump him. If he is not, then the dump may be sad (after you
have invested time and love), but it should also be liberating and a welcome opportunity for a new and better relationship with a guy who
is right for you.
Wizard
September 23, 2007
Question: Hi. I have been dating this guy for two years. We are supposed to be getting married. I have had trouble with his baby momma
telling me they’re still sleeping together. His own nagging mother. One time unused condoms fell out his pocket ( he told me it was his
cousin's ). He plays dungeons and wizard dragons. He hardly ever buys me anything ( he's always broke ). Sometimes when I complain about these
things he acts like he doesn't even care. I love him but I am afraid to be alone, miserable, and confused.
ANSWER: Don’t marry for fear of being alone, miserable, and confused. If you marry for that reason, you will stay alone,
miserable, and confused – guaranteed.
If you truly are in love, so be it, and good luck. True love causes some people to overlook the damnedest things!
If you are not truly in love, run away from this one like a scared rabbit.
Wizard
September 23, 2007
Question: Hello! Please help me. I really don't know what to do. I'm seeing this guy, who broke up with his girlfriend 3 months ago. They
were together for 3 years but they were best friends years before that. He is very depressed because she doesn't want to talk to him at all. He
is trying to convince me he doesn't want to be with her anymore, that all he wants is to be friends with her, and I don't mind! But, whenever we
meet, regardless how much fun we have, in the end he always gets depressed because something reminds him of her, and that makes me feel bad. He
told me he's feeling much better since he met me, and that depressions are minor every day. But since he is brutally honest, he tells me
everything he thinks and feels, and that's great sometimes, because I know he likes me, but it also sucks because he tells me every time he gets
depressed, and that’s pretty much the whole time, at least it seems to me that way. I'm trying to make him feel better but nothing seems to
work. He knows that bothers me, and . . . (missing text)
ANSWER: Three months is too long for a guy to sulk over an old relationship. He is bereaving her loss, or he is using the sadness as a means
of dealing with his insecurities about you. The latter seems more likely.
No doubt he still feels for her and wants to be friends with her. She does not want to be friends any more and her unwillingness causes him
some angst. He should be over it, though, and his talkative sharing of his morbidity with you, especially about the past relationship, appears to
have taken on a different meaning for him. He is not malicious and conniving; he is weak and dependent. That drives him to share so much with you
because you have become a stuffed teddy for him, a security blanket, and that is his best hold on you.
Your relationship with him will either mature into something more meaningful and fun (that is, he becomes more secure and confident in
himself and he wants and likes you for things other than you being a sounding board for his troubles), or it will dry up and wither away because
you need and deserve a mature, self-confident, fun, and entertaining guy.
Wizard
September 20, 2007
Question: should i dump my boyfriend? i love him with all my heart, but he never makes time for me. i only get to see him once a week
because all the rest of the time he is working, in college, or studying, even though last year i had the same things going on in my life and
always made time for him. he was always my priority but i feel as though i’m least important to him. this is tearing me apart.
ANSWER: If college is nearby, he should be able to find more time for you in between work, classes, and studying. Obviously, he can’t
miss work for you, he can’t miss classes for you, and he can’t avoid studying for you. That leaves, no matter how crowded his
schedule may be, more than once a week for a girl he loves.
Try to work this out with him. If he is unable to see it your way and bend a little, you will eventually see that he does not love you
enough.
Wizard
September 14, 2007
Question: Ok . . . I am so confused. He says he loves me; he asks me to marry him in jest; he calls me a million times a day. But tonight he
just completely did not remember his conversations with me that day. AND he invited me over to fix my computer and I said I was going to go to
his house and then he said call first. I did, and he completely did not know what I was talking about. Is it drugs??? I have only known him for 2
months and this is just too weird. He says I am nuts. He wants me to come to his nasty house all the time where he has like 5 roommates etc. Is
this not strange? I am so over it. Give me the obvious. He still has one of my computers that I need back and he gave me his mom's email in order
for me to sell a bunch of stuff. I mean it has to be drugs or something. Is he mad and I just don't get it? He keeps a job. But man, this is
BIZARRE. I give up.
ANSWER: Scatter-brained. Perhaps hair-brained. Probably not small-brained. Whatever the features of his brain, it is in disarray of some
sort.
Wizard
September 14, 2007
Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We both want to get married and raise a family. However, he is 27 and still does
not have a career. Until recently his mom was paying half of his car insurance. He has tried many different schools and never got a job from any
of them. He tried a 4-year college, a technical college, truck driving, and the police academy. He dropped out of both colleges. He finished
truck driving school but never passed his CDL. He finished the police academy but never got a job. Right now he is a cook at Wendy's and makes
$7.15 an hour. Sometimes he takes temporary jobs that pay around $10.00. I just don't think it is fair that I work 50 hours a week saving for a
house and he just works part-time acquiring more debt. Help me! Should I dump him or wait and see if he ever finds his calling.
ANSWER: Some guys take a while to get started on a career. If the guy is poor and still gets help from his mom at 27 years old, that is
okay, provided he is motivated to get started. That requires hard work and enthusiasm. It is not too late for him, but it appears from your
narrative that he might have some problems.
He has tried many schools and jobs, mostly without much success. He needs to build some confidence. The best way to do that is to find an
area of work that he enjoys, something he won’t mind putting extra hours into, and something that he will enjoy learning about.
Working at Wendy’s is not useful or productive for a 27 year old. He will not get a career there.
Normally the wizard might suggest a counselor in the field that matters, like a career counselor in this situation. But the suspicion is
that he is unmotivated and in that case a counselor will not help.
Urge him to get himself together and decide what he likes, not what will pay best, not what he can work the easiest at, not what gives the
best benefits, and not what you might want him to do. He should decide the kind of work he likes best – and one must doubt it is cooking
hamburgers. If it is truck-driving, fine. He should re-take the CDL test over and over until he passes. If it is police work, he needs to get
help at finding a job, even if it is part-time, to get into the field of his choice. Didn’t he make friends at the Police Academy?
Won’t they assist him in getting started, or did he do that badly?
In any event, this is the answer to your problem. He must be enthusiastic and motivated, choose the work he likes, and then never stop in
his efforts to do that kind of work wherever and whenever he can. His career, such as it may be, will develop in that area of work if he
stays motivated and enthusiastic.
If he cannot see his way to motivation and enthusiasm, whatever the line of work, you will have your problem for as long as he does if you
stay with him.
Wizard
September 14, 2007
Question: We are 2 weeks from our 3rd year together and have lived together the past 18 months. The problem is, quite recently (the past 2
months or so) he has been going out drinking with his friends until all hours. I don't mind him going out but I think it is out of order to not
come home until 6 in the morning (or not at all). This week he has been out with one of his friends twice already, and was due to spend tomorrow
evening with him while I was out for a friend's birthday. Tonight he was due to pick me up at 9 but instead handed me the car keys as he'd
already had a drink and asked if he could go out with his friend tonight. I asked if he could wait until next week as he'd already seen his
friend twice this week and was going to again tomorrow. He said he wouldn't go if I didn't want him to, but could I drop him off? I said I didn't
want him to go as I couldn't see why he couldn't wait a couple of days, but he went anyway. I refused to drop him off as I didn't want him to go.
I feel like he's putting his friend . . . (missing text).
ANSWER: He’s into something with his friend. It could be the drinking; it could be something else when they drink; it could be
something altogether different. We don’t know. But something is alive and well in his life outside of your knowledge.
Not at home until 6:00 a.m. or not at all is out of order.
He’s distracted from you. How much do you love him and want him? If you want to work to keep him, talk to him to get him to converse
with you about what he is doing. Go somewhere, maybe for a weekend, to see if he can lose his distraction while away with you alone. Liven up his
existence at home with some surprises that he likes – maybe a special dinner with wine.
If he won’t talk, strike one. If he goes with you but remains distracted and doesn’t pay attention to you, strike two. If he
isn’t thrilled with your extra effort at home, strike three, and he’s out.
If he gets less than three strikes, keep trying, but don’t let him stay at bat too long. Only three strikes is an out, and only three
outs are allowed in an inning. This game should not be allowed to last that long.
Wizard
September 12, 2007
Question: I’m really confused right now. I have a complicated story and don’t know which direction to take. I was with my
boyfriend Tim for 4 years. We got a flat and we were due to move in. It was Christmas and he split with me, so we lost the flat and i moved out
of his and back to my mum’s. We were split since January and then I met someone else. It didn’t work so we split up. I was then
texting Tim again until I met someone else and we got along great. Recently I went on holiday, though, and cheated on my new boyfriend. While I
was away I thought about things a lot and how I still had feelings towards Tim. When I came back from holiday I finished with my boyfriend. Me
and Tim gave it another go, but it’s not working. I love him too much to walk away but it doesn’t feel right being with him.
I’m now thinking I want to get back with my ex. I feel Tim wants me to be someone I’m not and while he’s ready to now settle
down, I’m the one having doubts. Any advice would be great.
ANSWER: When you have doubts about a relationship, most of the time your doubts will be accurate enough to warrant ending the relationship.
You’ve traveled quite a bit lately between boyfriends and that is not necessarily a bad thing. You are testing out your needs and wants,
and learning about what the guys do and think. All of it is educational (!) and positive because you are developing a better idea of
yourself.
Go ahead and try the ex boyfriend and remember there are a lot of guys out there. When you find one with whom you are comfortable, stick
with him until you are no longer comfortable. All of this is healthy and positive. It will help you exercise your choices better as your
experience expands. As you make better choices, you will notice that the relationships will last longer.
Wizard
September 10, 2007
Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 9 months. We have been living together for 6 months, yet he has not proposed. How
long should I wait before I move on? We have openly discussed marriage throughout almost our entire relationship, yet he won’t commit to an
engagement (because he has not asked and he knows I am ready). Should I move on???
ANSWER: How is the rest of your relationship? Is the relationship only a convenience for one of you, or are you both still in love? You must
determine the answer to these questions before you decide what to do.
If you are both still in love, you should give him some more time. If something is wrong in the love between you, trouble is on the horizon.
Eventually, the time will come when both of you will want a commitment. When that time comes, the one that asks the big question (Will you
marry me?) is pretty sure already that the other will say yes because both are fairly sure of each other’s commitment even without having
asked the big question. If you aren’t at least to a large degree confident that he will say yes, wait until you are. By then he might
finally ask you.
How long does one wait? A point in time will arise when you must give it up and break up. How long that point is down the line depends on
the one who is not ready, and frankly there is not enough information to help you on that question. No definite time line exists in these
matters. It depends on so much that is personal and peculiar to the individuals involved. After a while (how long that is, who knows?), the fact
that one of you is eager to be married and the other is waffling is a sign of trouble.
When you cannot wait and endure the frustration, doubt, and worry any longer, tell him “I love you, you are a great companion and
lover, but you are a lousy gigolo. If you want to be someone’s gigolo, go get a woman who needs one. I don’t; I need a husband. Marry
me or go live somewhere else.”
Wizard
September 10, 2007
Question: hey, my friend is having problems with dumping a guy because she feels horrible about it because he's a family friend and they see
each other everywhere.
ANSWER: Tell her that everyone knows that dating is temporary unless you are getting married (even then it can be temporary but with
complications). If she feels she needs to break up, she should do it, and know that family and friends will understand completely.
If anyone does not agree with her decision, it is none of their business.
Wizard
September 9, 2007
Question: Ok, I’ve been dating this guy for about a week and I keep thinking I should dump him. In the beginning 2 days it was good,
but now I barely see or talk to him cause my dad knows about him and won’t let me on the phone and I’m not allowed outside of the
house unless I’m going to a specific place. My friends say I shouldn’t but it’s just hard for me to trust him whatsoever and
now I don’t know whether or not to break up with him. All his friends tell me he just wants to have sex with me and now it’s getting
really stressful. plz help me soon!!!
ANSWER: You don’t trust him. His friends say he just wants to have sex with you. You’ve only dated him for a week. Your doubts
should lead you to dump him. Your father may have reasonable information that you don’t have to cause him to restrict you so much.
Wizard
September 9, 2007
Question: I have been seeing this guy for a year now. Every time we meet, it’s always in a hurry. So far, he never invited me to go
out with him other than coffee during the week. He also doesn't call during the weekend. I like him a lot and he says that he likes and wants me
too but I am tired of arranging my schedule during the work week just to see him. Not to mention we see each other during the day only. Seems
like he is hiding something. What should I do?
ANSWER: During an entire year you have only seen him during the day and he has never invited you out except for coffee during the week. This
is no relationship. You are a diversion and a toy. He has no interest in you whatsoever except a selfish desire for whatever you give him when
you see him during the day.
It is possible, given the short narrative, that he might be interested in more, but can’t do it because he is married, or something
like that. Tell him straight up that you want to see more of him on weekends, in the evening, in a real dating relationship, and see his
response. If he does not react positively, the reason for his failure is irrelevant. Dump him. If he is positive and tries to explain it, listen,
but be fair to yourself. This is no way to have a meaningful relationship. Insist on a dramatic change in scheduling.
Wizard
September 9, 2007
Question: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I’m pregnant. The trouble is I am only 19 and I am feeling trapped, while
he is 25 and ready to marry and is fully committed. I love him but if I wasn’t pregnant I doubt we would be together now. I just
don’t know if I should try and make it work for the baby.
ANSWER: You are trapped. At least, that is one way of looking at it. If you don’t want the baby, that is another issue. If you are
having the baby, which presumably is the case, the following advice applies. Rather than trapped, you are off onto a long road of adventure, joy,
full of responsibility, and potentially leading to much love and reward.
The only negative thing said about the father of your child is that you don’t think you’d be together if you were not pregnant.
If he is a good guy and is indeed ready to marry and is committed, and if you are having the baby, you should make a go of it with him because he
is the father of your child. You have a long road ahead of you with the baby being your pride and joy. You will experience rough roads ahead
because being a mom is hard work. The rewards can be enormous. Hopefully the father will prove himself a committed father and loving partner for
you, and hopefully your love for each other will grow, mature, and become a mainstay of your marriage and life together. Your child will be the
jewel you happened upon and kept, and the source of a love that is irreplaceable. .
Wizard
September 8, 2007
Question: I like this guy named Frank and we talk a lot but then again we joke and fight, and sometimes I don’t know if he’s
joking. And there’s this guy named Sammy. We also talk a lot but he is one year younger then me and a sweetheart. Which guy should I ask
out?
ANSWER: Based on the information given, the sweetheart looks better than the one who jokes without you knowing for sure whether he is
joking.
Wizard
September 6, 2007
Question: well this guy i really like, likes me too. we don’t really talk much, but today we had a dance for school and we danced and
talked a bit. but then he didn’t talk to me at all, and he danced with another girl. i don’t know what to do. i feel really hurt.
ANSWER: Get ready for more of that. Unfortunately, our hopes rise and fall in the dating world. The other girl might ignore him and cause
him to come back to you, and at that time you might not want him.
It is so easy to get hurt. One way to handle this is to try to avoid getting too invested with a guy until you really know that he is ready
to invest himself into you. Be ready to shrug your shoulders and say “Oh, well” because a lot of guys will be short and sweet in
their relationships.
Wizard
September 4, 2007
Question: I am dating a man who is 20 and I am 30. I am only now seeing the differences in maturity between us. He still has a lot of
maturing to do. He wants to have sex and pressures me, which I don't like. I don't see much in terms of a future between us. He doesn't trust me,
and I don't trust him. He smokes pot and so does his mom, and I dislike that he smokes pot. We live 3 hours apart. He only calls me every 3 weeks
or so, and he won't give me his cell phone number because it's a company phone. He hardly visits me since he moved away. I am getting fed up with
not having someone who lives closer to me. I think this will work out by itself in the way it should, but I have to wait and see. Do you see any
hope that I am missing or can you recommend anything?
ANSWER: You have concisely driven home 11 reasons for this relationship to fail. The wizard agrees that this will work out by itself.
No, nothing in your narrative suggests hope that you are missing. Let it end and find an older, more mature guy closer to you.
Wizard
September 4, 20007
Question: my boyfriend is annoying and there is no love there anymore. should i dump him?
ANSWER: Uh . . . well, is there any alternative? Uh, no. That is, no alternative.
Wizard
September 3, 2007
Question: ok . . . so I was dating this guy for two months in which he didn’t treat me like a person or like me at all. Ever since I
broke up with him he’s been trying to get me back. When we are alone and all he’s cool and treats me like a person, but when
he’s around his friends I get ignored. He'll make plans with me and then not follow through with me and goes with them and I feel
completely ditched. I’ve talked to him about this numerous times and told him that it needs to stop if he wants to get serious or anything.
Nothing has changed though. What should I do? I like him and I know that he likes me but it doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t want
to just give up on it though because I see potential.
ANSWER: His behavior is caused by one of three things: a character flaw, a lack of commitment to you caused by his not yet having made up
his mind that you are worth it to him, or a general insecurity when with a girl as opposed to when he is with his friends.
If it is a character flaw, you can manage a temporary fix, but the problem is likely to reappear in the same and similar circumstances. If
it is a feeling that he is unsure about you, if you keep in the relationship his behavior will either improve (because his feelings for your
improve) or it will deteriorate (because he will lose interest in you). If the cause is a general insecurity, stick with him as he grows out of
it. You have only been dating for two months, so there are many great and fun things to do in the months ahead.
Seeing potential, you should not presume or guess that it is a character flaw. Get back with him and give it some time. Hopefully things
will improve with him developing a respect and need for you that puts you above his friends.
Wizard
September 2, 2007
Question: my boyfriend and i had a convo on our one month anniversary and he claims its not working so i dumped him. but i hear he wants
this other chick at my school and i really love him. what should i do?
ANSWER: You’ve dumped him but now you want him back so the other chick can’t have him. This will depend entirely on whether he
wants you back.
Wizard
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