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May 31, 2006
Question: he's sweet yet very clingy good looking yet very self absorbed, great kisser yet loves it when im sleeping....he gets along great with my family, he's tall has a gorgeous smile and is totally into me but im 18 im young and want more experimenting time
ANSWER: Take more experimenting time, an appropriate thing to do at your age. And, by the way, an appropriate thing to do at any age when it is needed.
Wizard
May 30, 2006
Question: I have been dating a guy for 2 months. He says he is in love. I do really care about him but I have caught him lying. He told me he was terminally ill. I finally told him I felt in my gut he was lying and he said he was afraid of losing me and that is why he said it. Should I forgive him and try to trust him again???
ANSWER: What’s two months in the sea of love? Nothing, if you’re in love. You are not in love.
What’s one lie? Well, some lies are justified, or at least understandably done to do some good. Few of them exist. This one is manure mixed in mud sludge. He should be dumped.
Wizard
May 30, 2006
Question: My ex slept with me while dating some other girl. Afterwards we decided to get back together. The following week I found text messages on his phone from her and him replying saying that I am only a friend and to call him. This was the day after we had decided to give it another go. There have been no other text messages since
last week, but I was pretty upset and feel I cannot trust him now. He was just asking me the other day if I wanted to go on holiday with him. I don't know if he has met up with this other girl again or not, but I feel I may be reading too much into it. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend who snoops on her boyfriend, but I will be checking his phone when he is not around.
ANSWER: If you confirmed that the date of the text messages was after the decision to give it another go, your lack of trust in him is well-founded, to say the least.
Keep up your vigilance, if you want to, but for some that would be the last straw.
Wizard
May 25, 2006
Question: Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. i love him very much and he loves me as well. We have a very healthy relationship, and rarely fight. Once, a few months back, i accidentally discovered he had been looking at porn sites when i needed to use the history on his computer for a bibliography for school. I was totally embarrassed, and let it
go hoping it was a misunderstanding. Soon afterward a similar instance occurred when I needed the history again. For the second time, i found porn sites. I was really bothered by this, because we are living together and spend almost all of our time together. At that time we were having sex almost every single day. He was doing this in the very few times he was apart from me, maybe an hour a day when i was at class. Anyway, i confronted him, and he said he wouldnt do it as much, but i cant help but check every now and then when curiosity gets the better of me. He still does it!! i'm grossed out, and feel violated! This seems wrong, almost like . . . . (ends here).
ANSWER: You should talk this over with him. It could be relatively harmless or it could be more telling of a bigger problem. If you are both honest with each other’s concerns, and flexible in how you feel about it, you should be able to reach an accord about it.
Wizard
May 24, 2006
Question: I have been with my boyfriend for 9 yrs now and starting to feel like it's just going nowhere. I would not say we have a bad relationship, but it's almost like it's more of a friendship than anything. I really want children and I know he doesn't really want them. I feel a little impatient that he hasn't proposed to me or shown much interest in getting married either. I feel bored in our relationship and sometimes think I missed out on the dating scene (we've been together since I was 15 and I'm now 24). I really
love him and he treats me well, but sometimes I wonder if there is a better match for me out there. It's kinda like we've just grown up together but now that I'm out of college, I feel like I want to go out and party, have fun with friends, etc. and he's very much a home-body and doesn’t like doing these kinds of things. The last 2-3 yrs it just feels like there is no "spark" whatsoever. I would feel horrible for breaking up with him, so I really want to make sure I make the right decision with him? Please help!!
ANSWER: If you don’t date, go out with friends, and enjoy some of the benefits of being “single,” you are likely to regret not having done so. This is a value judgment and therefore is not necessarily true for everyone, but the text of your question strongly suggests that this indeed applies to you.
The same for children. If you married and had no children, you would likely regret that you didn’t because you would always wonder what they would have been like, and would miss that part of life. Again, this is a value judgment with which not everyone agrees, but evidently you do.
You should talk with him about your values, but the wizard’s view is that you are making the right decision to get out there and enjoy life, taking some risks perhaps, but getting the most out of your life when you are young enough to do it.
Go find some spark!
Wizard
May 23, 2006
Question: Im with a totally sweet guy but i dont want a boyfriend no more and i dunno how to tell him that...cuz if i stay with him ill just hurt him???
ANSWER: Yes, if you stay with him, he could fall deeper into love with you, and then when you tell him you don’t want a boyfriend, he’ll feel more hurt than if you had told him earlier when he was less in love.
If you are sure, just say you don’t want a boyfriend any more.
Wizard
May 21, 2006
Question: I have been seeing a guy for maybe 2.5 months. The first 6 weeks or so were really incredible and we got along really well and had fun. Then he all of the sudden he pulled way back, told me he was having a hard time mentally and was going through a personal life crisis situation. We talked about it and he said he needed wanted to be with me but take things slowly and needed someone to be patient while he dealt with his personal mental crisis. We hardly spend any time together now and pretty much the only way we are communicating is through text messages, which half the time are crazy rants. I feel bad that he is going through this hard time, but I am feeling like there is really nothing in this for me, and it is causing me more annoyance and misery than anything. Should I wait this out or move on??
ANSWER: Your relationship was too short for you to get too invested in his problems. You are not his mother and you are not his therapist. No matter how intelligent and loving you are, you cannot replace those two important people in his life.
Move on.
Wizard
May 20, 2006
Question: We worked together for 4 years. There was always an attraction, but I was married. After 10 years of marriage I divorced - and then he showed up. We fell in love and lived together for 7 years. One night he went out and found someone else - I was devastated. He moved out, but I could not let go. I called him, stopped by his house, tormented his new girlfriend. This went on for 2 years. Finally he dumped her and came back to me - told me he made a big mistake and loves me, loves being with me.
We have a great time hanging out - but our sex is a problem. He wants it all the time - yet I feel a bit reluctant. Although we do it I feel he is relieving himself, he is good in bed - but there is now compromise. He seems obsessed . . . (edited out) . . . I just don’t understand it. There are days I want to be with him forever and other days I wish he would just go away. I am confused.
ANSWER: You have a fully developed and mutually satisfactory relationship. You should be able to talk about your sexual preferences and resolve those issues without talk of dumping one another.
Use the trust and appreciation you have for each other to build a bridge you both can stand on to discuss your sexual preferences – in doing this, listen to each other carefully, and be attentive to each other’s needs. You should be able to do this successfully.
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: i know this guy for about 3 months now. the thing is that he's a conductor and he says he loves me. he knows a lot of girls due to his occupation. today i was in his bus and a girl asked him if Cary gives him everything (like sex). his reply was: i'm not that type of guy. he said to me the girl is Cary’s niece and Cary is his landlord. should i dump him?
ANSWER: If this conductor is more than three years older than you, or if you are under eighteen years of age, he is conducting too much.
If you are eighteen or older, and he is around your age, you’ll need to make your own judgments about his integrity. Your suspicions are evident, however, and you might be best off to follow your instinct – which appears to be to avoid him.
If you’ve been dating him for three months, you should be able to detect how meaningless or how meaningful that conversation was.
Frankly, your question leaves too much to wonder about ages, relationships, and a number of other factual details.
Here for your benefit is one more piece of the wizard’s wisdom (which means you must remember it because it is important): The younger you are, the more cautious you need to be, and however old you are, caution is still number one.
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: my boyfriend is 25 and im 15. some guys were bugging my cell phone and he found out that my dad had a fight with them. he said that i gave them my number (i didnt) and i sent them messages so that’s why they were replying! he stopped me from talking to any boy, even my school friends. everything he gets upset about. he's virgo and i'm leo. should i dump him????????????
he's crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANSWER: For you, he is bad rubbish. Where does bad rubbish belong? In the dump. Need a truck?
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: listen my guy donald is nice cute responsible caring and a hole bunch of other stuff but hes not a good kisser and he is horrible at lying because one time i told my dad we're going to burger king and he burst out saying we're going to the movies and not watching it if you catch my drift so what should i do
ANSWER:Well, lying is an art, isn’t it? Most people cannot lie easily or well. Lying is usually a bad idea. If you will not lie, and you are asked directly, sometimes there are ways to avoid answering. The wizard recommends learning how to live without lying.
Don’t be too hard on the guy – he wasn’t intending any harm. Maybe he needs some practice at kissing.
If you like him, keep dating. If you don’t like him, dump him gently. It’s all up to how you feel about him.
Wizard
May 18, 2006
Question: I have been with this guy for 1 month. He is totally into me, wants to move in together etc. He is 36 and up to now he does not seem to have been successful in what he does, he does not enjoy it, he is not happy about himself. In the past he had many working opportunities but managed to spend all his money on going out, presents, etc. No house, no nothing for the future. With me he is lovely
but not to the point of texting me 10 times a day with not much to say but to find out what I am doing, who am i with, etc. He gets very possessive and is jealous of everything. That does not have to do with him than he goes quiet. When I don’t react and am about to dump him he says he is sorry and appears normal but two days after he’ll pick up another tantrum usually for not giving him enough attention. Our sex is great but now every time he calls I feel a bit anxious and wonder if he is able to be less possessive and insecure and if he is in love with me or with love. I am afraid of hurting him. In the past he says that women have le . . . (ends here).
ANSWER: He wants too much of you too quick. Slow it down. If he remains interested after a month of much slower activity, then maybe there is something valuable to the relationship. If he wimps out and gets someone else, then you’ll be free of his “possessiveness” and he will become someone else’s problem.
He’s needy. Does he want you to stick like glue? Watch out. Do not move in with him.
Wizard
May 16, 2006
Question: I'VE BEEN DATING A GUY FOR 3 YEARS. WE HAVE A 14 MONTH OLD CHILD AND WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 1 YEAR. 6 MONTHS AGO I MOVED BACK TO MY PARENTS HOUSE BECAUSE HE SAYS HE IS NOT READY TO GET MARRIED. HE JUST WANTS TO LIVE TOGETHER. HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND THE BABY BUT HE DOESN'T SEE WHY WE SHOULD GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW EVEN THOUGH HE TELLS ME THAT WE EVENTUALLY WILL. WHEN I ASK HIM WHY WE DON'T DO IT IF WE EVENTUALLY ARE, HE SAYS " I DON'T KNOW."
ANSWER: This guy is a part of your life probably for the rest of your life. He should realize that you will be a part of his life for the rest of his life.
Naturally and appropriately, you and he must discuss how your relationship is to be handled with your child’s best interest in mind.
Keep trying.
Wizard
May 14, 2006
Question: i don't like him but i said yes... what do i do?
ANSWER: Say “I meant no.”
Wizard
May 12, 2006
Question:: my boyfriend has treated me really badly but after some time apart he says he has realized how much he loves me and how sorry he is. should i dump him anyway?
ANSWER: If you trust his word and his intentions, and like him enough, you can give him a second chance. But if the bad treatment is in the seriously bad category, dump him regardless of what he says.
Wizard
May 11, 2006
Question: I know this guy from the internet... And we decided to become an online game couple. Though, after a while like a month, I have been attracted to other people. And it literally sucks. I know I want to break up with him, but I don't know how to do it. He's a nice guy... Just we never talk. I can't help but feel like we need to stop this fake relationship. He takes it a bit too seriously though. What am I to do?
ANSWER: Be honest. Tell him you never took it seriously. Say, “Sorry, I just couldn’t take it seriously. It’s got to be over. Don’t you see feel the same way?” If he says, “Okay” or “I guess so” or some other thing like that, you’re all set. If he argues, be more firm and say it with even more conviction: “I’m ready to do things with another guy. You need to find another girl. Sorry, but that is my decision, and it is my decision.”
That should do it.
You must not mislead him to think there is a relationship to salvage. If you worry about hurting a nice guy, you should speak with even more conviction to avoid hurting him even more. If you are ready to be with someone else, the nicest thing to do is to be clear and firm about it.
Wizard
May 10, 2006
Question: well there is a gut who tells me he really likes me, but the problem is that he is already with someone.
ANSWER: Be thankful that a gut is with someone else. Guts are not fun or pleasant.
Oh, a guy? Well, if he’s with someone else, then why would you want to be number 2?
Wizard
May 10, 2006
Question: Dear Wizard,
I was dating this guy for 2 months, and I decided to break it off because we didn't have enough time, even though I still liked him. I still keep in touch with his friends as well, and it turns out that his best bud likes me a lot (as in wants a serious relationship). I don't know what to do because I still have feelings for my ex, but I don't want to hurt my ex and my best friend's feelings! What should I do?
ANSWER: The wizard does not understand how you “didn’t have enough time” for the ex but you might have enough time for “his best bud.”
As a general matter, if one dates a friend of an ex boyfriend, that’s okay. But if you still like the ex, why date someone else? That is what appears unclear in your question.
Sorry – the wizard is rarely confused, but is today on this one . . . .
Wizard
May 9, 2006
Question: I have been with a guy for 3 years. I am falling for another male at work, but he is married. So do you think I should dump him?
ANSWER: The guy you’ve been with for three years? No. The guy at work who is married? Yes.
Wizard
May 9, 2006
Question: The guy is a drug addict but is the father of my child. i dont love him but feel sorry for him. Should i dump him?
ANSWER: Ah, well, ah, maybe.
Wizard
May 9, 2006
Question: was dating a guy for 4mths, fell pregnant had to quit my job lost my house on the water front that i had for 6mths before we met he lost his license 2mths before the baby was born we split because of that and his drinking problem 2mths after baby was born. i put a restraining order on him when our baby was 18mths we got back together fell pregnant again he walked out when i was 3mths pregnant still have no idea why he still wants to be apart of our family left me in debt wont pay maintenance have told him he needs to sort himself out and our problems before we can get back together doesnt get the hint dont think his going to change what do i do?
ANSWER: You really need to see a lawyer. You've got your feet caught in some deep mud. Make sure the guy pays child support.
Wizard
May 8, 2006
Question: I've been with this guy for around 11yrs or so. he and i seen each other almost every day ..we where very close intimate so on... he said he loves me and i him. but these past couple of years he keeps saying every once in a while he says we're just f buddys i don't want a relationship .. but yet if he sees me talking to another male he gets upset and thinks wrong... and yes he has cheated on me many times .... i need help on writing him a heart felt letter on how much i'm hurting and tips on how to show him what he will be throwing away if this keeps up... please get back to me asap thank you...
ANSWER: Start the letter with how much you thought good of him during the times when you were close in the last 11 years. Remind him of a few things that happened that you both laugh about. Then tell him how different things are now. Be specific about things he says and does that are not good for you. Explain to him how these specific things hurt you. Then tell him how fine a person you are, and how sad you are that he can’t see how valuable a close relationship with you really is.
If he doesn’t get back to you to reaffirm how right you are, you should dump him.
Wizard
May 1, 2006
Question: My boyfriend is very sweet almost all the time. We have been together 4 yrs.
I know he has not and never will cheat on me. He makes me laugh. I am most comfortable around him. He is my best friend and we have the sexual heat still.
His family pretty much sucks and are totally dramatic ahhhh!
Also he can get very moody and he turns cold. Throws old events ex.. in my face and says the meanest things.
We lived together before but I moved out because he does not step up in the adult part of the relationship.
I worry about bills. I clean almost everything.
I do all the "grown up things."
He has bad priority with money and bills, which leads me down this path.
Keep in mind he is 4 yrs younger and had a horrible upbringing (abusive just badddd).
Do the math. We met 4 yrs ago. I’m 24 now and he 20 so bare in mind all of this.
Thanks.
ANSWER: You’ve already moved out. That should take care of the cleaning up (hopefully you aren’t still doing that), the bills, the “grown-up” things, and maybe the family.
You feel attached to him at least as a friend. You don’t show that you love him – just that you’re comfortable with him. It appears that he has a lot of growing up to do.
The wizard senses guilt and some motherly instinct. If you are the only woman in this guy’s life, it is time to let go. Allow him to live the life he has missed in the last four years. He will make mistakes – let him make them and grow up.
Wizard
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