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June 29, 2005
Question: I am dating a married man. We have been together for 5 years. We say we love each other. We do not see each other every day, but maybe once a week. We broke up for about 7 months because his wife found out, not that we are back together. He doesn't talk to me about things like he used to because he doesn't want me to have any thing to tell his wife if we break up again. I do not feel like we are close anymore. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to him. Should I still stay because I love him??
ANSWER: No. There are other men, unmarried, who will be just as attractive and just as capable of giving you more of their affection and attention. Hint: Never fall in love with a married man.
Wizard
June 27, 2005
Question: I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and in the past 3 1/2 years things have changed. I can't stand his attitude and have said things numerous times but nothing changes. He works a full time job but is always broke and it really irritates me. He tells me that I treat him like I'm his mother and the reason I do is because he acts like a little kid and I can't stand it. I think that I have fallen out of love with him. We never do things together we always go our separate ways but he still thinks we have a future but I don't really want one with him. He just won't grow up!
I would really like someone’s opinion I have friends but they are his friends too so I don't want to say anything. I also don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't know what to do for he will go ballistic when I say anything about us not being together.
ANSWER: You are a perfect candidate for a dump certificate … Hurrah! to you for giving yourself credit and wanting to date someone you are compatible with, and it sounds like you are ready to take action.
Your decision must not hang on your fears that he will go ballistic. If he does, he is demonstrating the very little kid behavior that you need to get away from – it should not draw you nearer to him, or cause you to hesitate. Buy a certificate for Pete’s sake! We’ll send it to him or to you, you decide where it goes, and we’ll take care of it. That might be the gentle persuasion you need to keep him as a friend but to end the dating part of it.
Wizard
June 27, 2005
Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we are considering moving in with each other. We get a long great and I love him with all my heart. BUT recently, I went to a party and become way too drunk for my own good and cheated. Should I tell him? I have no clue what happened actually and it meant nothing.
ANSWER: No, you should not tell him. And don’t do that again! It’s dangerous to your health and for many reasons. It is like driving. You steer the wheel, step on the accelerator and the brake as needed, shift as needed, know where you’ve been and where you’re going, and see. If you’re at a party, or on a date, you must be able to “drive” on difficult terrain, see the caution signs – even some not so prominently displayed – meet your time deadlines and goals, and avoid messes you have to go back to!
Wizard
June 7, 2005
Question: My boyfriend says stuff like he loves me, calls me everyday and come over everyday. He has thought of names for kids, boy/girl and wants to get me pregnet by the end of this year. i am only 14 and think he is crazy but if i dump him i think he'll put my life in danger! what should i do?
ANSWER: At 14 you’ve got yourself stuck in centuries-old messes! This is no fussing around material. You must terminate this relationship immediately. Tell your parents, if they are around, all about it. Tell your best friend. Tell your neighbor! Tell God! And then tell yourself, loud and brilliantly clear, NO MORE! And don’t see him anymore.
You must stand up and be counted as a complete, thinking, self-respecting, self-loving, future-looking, able-to-say-no, strong, young woman! Tell him nicely. He should respect your decision. If he doesn’t, tell him forcefully – that is, with conviction. In other words, do not say, “I think we might have to end this.” Say, “I am sure this must end now.”
If he says “No” to your decision to end this affair immediately, you should contact local counselors (at school, at church, in your neighborhood, at the YWCA, at the local doctor’s office, or anywhere) and get good advice on how to end this problem. If it continues, he may be stalking you (a crime), or if he threatens harm he may be harassing you (another crime), or he may even do worse. Stop it, now.
A dump certificate is too soft a measure.
Wizard
By the way, Wizard is pronounced WISE ARD, for “wise about right decisions.”
June 3, 2005
Question: My boyfriend who I’ve lived with for a year treats me like his friends are more important. He doesn’t cheat but always wants to be with his friends. He invites me but i told him i just want one night a week with him. During dinner last night he talked on the phone the whole time so i walked out and went to the car. He ate and boxed up his and my food. i told him to just take me home if he wanted to be with his friends. We didn’t go to our movie and he tried to say it was my fault for leaving. I’ve talked to him till I’m blue in the face. How do i make him understand that I’m on the verge of moving out. I even moved all my stuff out once to scare him and it worked for a while. I know what i would say if i was on the other side but i love him and i think about the good stuff and it’s hard. I just want a happy relationship. He’s too comfortable and i just need to know how to get the power back. He’s definitely fixable and ill do what it takes. Please help me. Thank you.
ANSWER: You ask me to help you make this guy do the right things. With what you say, and the wizard believes you thoroughly, this fellow needs some real fixin’, but it is the kind of fixin’ that gets done out of sight and hearing in the backroom, where someone he respects can tell him straight. Your question tells me that you love him and do not want the relationship to end. But, my dear, if your relationship continues in this path, it is a dead-end path. He does not value you enough.
Do you know that good guys (oh, heavenly good guys!) exist who will treat you like a complete human being? Guys who would build bridges for you? Stop stampeding bulls for you? Cry “Momma” just to have a bite with you at the local diner?
Your current beau is bad. He’s not a boyfriend – he’s a goy without goickles. He’s a boy-bum, a myth of a man, a boondog (a man who is a wasteful activity) without a leash, and a ditch date for all self-respecting women.
You know that you are worth far better. You long for his better side (however much there is) and want to get him fixed so that all can be better, like it was, and you and he can have a happy relationship. I think you give him too much credit and give yourself too little credit. Dump him – move out – and find a fulfilling relationship that makes you happy, every day and night, not just one night a week.
When you have found a good-loving gent, see if you want your current beau back, when he realizes what he has lost and comes looking for you to get you back.
Wizard
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