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February 27, 2006
Question: I was dating this guy for a year. The only problem was that he worked nights and I worked days. I have been thinking about this guy lately. He was/is a good person too. When we separated he said he was going to start seeing another girl to see if it worked out with them. This was about a year ago. Do you think I should call him or move on. Please help...
ANSWER: Call him. Be prepared to be rejected, but if he’s receptive you might revive a good time and a valuable date. Just that, the potential of reviving a good time and a valuable date, is good reason to make the call.
The following might not apply so much to you, but for all those out there who need a short reminder course about dating:
1. You must be able to accept rejection without feeling hurt or weak or guilty or inadequate. You also must be ever ready to make the call, take the plunge, dare to dive. Some of the best relationships come after one has dared to risk humiliation. This is all part of the process – learning more about others and giving them the chance to learn more about you.
2. You also must be able to reject someone who likes you. That someone might be a nice person, even somebody you care for deeply, but the dump is a sensible choice if the sparks aren’t flying.
Wizard
February 27, 2006
Question: I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months. For the past month he has been talking bad about my best friend. Somehow he managed to say that I said it. Also he said to another person that we are going to be moving in together which I had not said any of this. Once he moves in my best friend will not be coming by my house like she used to....
ANSWER: Dump the guy. You can’t know what the next fib will be. Tell your best friend you’ve dumped him (after you’ve done the deed) and tell her why you dumped him.
Wizard
February 27, 2006
Question: Here's the deal. I have a boyfriend who is somewhat older than me. He likes to do quiet things...dinner, drinks, sit around and lots talking of stories of old. He's ready to go to bed by 10 pm most nights! These early trips to bed usually include some fumbling about my body, but nothing that turns me on tremendously.
I'm no firecracker, but this stuff isn't exactly the highlight of life for me either. He's been very kind, but I am bored and feeling trapped.
ANSWER: He’s a boyfriend, not a husband. If you are not satisfied, you should move on. Try to keep him as a friend, because he might make a good one. But dating should be exciting and interesting, not getting bored and feeling trapped.
Wizard
February 23, 2006
Question: I never see this guy unless I drive three hours to see him. He always says he has to work. Should I just move on?
ANSWER: Yes.
Wizard
February 23, 2006
Question: hey!! pls i want some help.. listen.. this is the story!
i love someone sooo much... i rly love him!!... but the problem is that he's soo moody...he always changes his mind..
he hurts me a lot.. but then always... regret 4 that and apologize... we broke up 3 times.... and we're back 2gether... and here we go again.. he started 2 treat me like i'm piece of s>>>..i jus dont understand him y he is doing this 2 me.. he says that he loves me..and he doesnt wanna lose me.. but then after we're back 2gether.. he'll be soo sweet.. then after 1 week he'll start 2 treat me like i'm piece of s>>>..pls help me should i dump him?! pls pls. i rly love him but he's driving me crazy! pls tell me what 2 do
ANSWER: Sounds like this guy gets more than three strikes before he’s called out!
A guy can make mistakes, but after a while it becomes apparent that the behavior is his habit – his way of doing things – and you’re at the butt end. A guy who loves you will not confuse you with his s>>>!
If the behavior won’t change, you dump him. The “I love him” thinking becomes self-destructive.
Wizard
February 21, 2006
Question: I HAVE BEEN DATING THIS GUY FOR 4 & HALF MONTHS AND WE BROKE UP LAST WEEKEND BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST HIM, HE DUMPED ME, THEN I FOUND HIM ON LINE ON A ONLINE DATING SITE AND WE GOT BACK TOGETHER A WEEK AGO AND HIS PROFILE IS STILL ONLINE!
ANSWER: Maybe he just hasn’t removed it yet. Or maybe he’s hedging his bets hoping another comes along.
Wizard
February 21, 2006
Question: We were lovers for a year. We had a belief that we were soul mates, but we broke up. We haven't seen each other for about 3 yrs and all the time i was thinking about him but i had my pride and so i did not contact him.
Now he came back. He wants me back and he made another girl pregnant.
ANSWER: You should examine closely two things: Why has he left the other girl to come back to you three years later? And, what is his commitment to the baby and its mother?
The story of your relationship ended in good fashion three years ago, or you have a tragedy – a lost love who made a mistake and now wants to get back together with you and live happily ever after. The wizard thinks the first is the most likely truth.
Remember, if he “made another girl pregnant,” he is a dad of a child not yours, and with a different mother. That adds up to four already: The guy (dad), the girl (mother), the baby (child for 18 plus years), and you. Are you ready for all the stuff that comes with that?
Wizard
February 17, 2006
Question: im in a relationship with a guy who hits me around but not all the time. he has cheated on me a few times but he is really sorry afterwards. one thing that upsets me is i am raising his son from a previous relationship.
ANSWER: Move on to new territory right away. Any guy who hits a girl is not worth one penny of your time and effort. Dump him quickly and move out.
The wizard sees the cheating and the caring for his son but did not address those issues because the important issue, his hitting you, over-rides all other issues in importance.
Wizard
February 16, 2006
Question: i've been with this guy, X, for a year and throughout that whole year, i knew i only liked him but i didn't love him. i got together with him because he is such a nice, caring and loving guy. we never fought. friends and people look up to us because they think we are a perfect couple. But the truth is i don't love him, but he really loves me and he thought that i love him too. i didnt want to let him go because its very hard to find a guy who wouldn't cheat and who would love you with his whole heart. its very hard for me because my previous relationships suck. my first love cheated on me. actually he cheated on his girlfriend. I’m like the third party and i didnt know that. the rest just played with my feelings. Ever since that i have trouble falling in love and also i'm afraid that i wouldnt get any nice guys who wouldn’t play with my feelings.
so for the whole one year, i thought that i might fall in love with X but i didn’t. i kept telling him that i love him and acted as if I’m in love with him and its really convincing. we never had sex because i told him i wasnt ready to lose my virginity and he respects my decision. i really want to keep him because i know he really truly loves me and really cares for me. i didnt wanna hurt his feelings. the only thing about him that bugs me was that the fact that he calls me every night even though there is nothing to talk about. at last i gave up, and i told him that we should break up and he agreed. the reason i gave him was im going overseas to study and long distance relationship would really be hard for us.
And now, a week after we broke up, i am missing him and i really wanna call him and talk to him. well, i called once after the break up to see how’s he doing. the way he talks to me, its different. obviously its never going to be same again. i miss the way he treated me and talk to me. i miss seeing the missed calls from him on the phone. i know im wrong because i've been misleading him, lying to him all the time about my feelings and i know im really selfish. i know i dont deserve a guy like him and he doesnt deserve the way i treated him. i kept thinking of him after the break up. when we were together, i've never thought of him like the way i think of him now. and i thought i wouldnt be sad because im finally doing the right thing. I like him, but do i love him?
when i think back, i really love hanging out with and spending time with him, but i dont feel comfortable when he wanted to kiss me or stuff like that.
i'm soooo confused... please help me!. do i love him? should i ask him back and have a long distance relationship since im going overseas next week? or should i just move on and be thinking that i'll never find another guy as nice and as loving and caring as him? is it a mistake breaking up with him?... please help me!
ANSWER: You should not break off the relationship entirely. You don’t have to love him to continue a relationship, even if it is just sharing time with each other. In time you should find out more about what love is and whether you love him.
Your bad experiences in dating are most unfortunate. You are obviously a wonderful person who did not deserve the trouble. You must not use that experience to predict your future experiences. Dating can and should be a good experience, like the one you have had with X, even if it is full of confusing moments and worry about love.
X is a gentleman, from what you have expressed here, and a valuable guy to know. Did he say he loves you? Probably not, because you haven’t said so, though you have said you know he truly loved you. If you did not feel comfortable when he wanted to kiss you, you are right to follow your feelings and discourage it. But this does not necessarily mean you do not or cannot love him, and it does not necessarily mean that you will always feel uncomfortable.
You should call him and tell him the truth, that you miss him already, and that you would like, if he doesn’t mind, to continue a relationship with him as good friends at least, and that if something should develop from that, then hurray for that. He might be put-offish for a while, because he may feel hurt. But if his feelings are good and genuine for you, he should come around to accept.
This could be a second beginning to something good, or it might be the finish to something that just can’t happen, for whatever reason. But the wise old wizard believes that if you truly loved him, you would have known it earlier before this. The wizard thinks you might not be quite ready for love and that love will come to you, with this guy or with someone else.
He is a great guy, and he is one of many great guys in this world. If your relationship with him does not jell into a mutual love, then you must move on to a new relationship for love, though he could still, if he can, be a friend.
Wishing you the best, and casting as many spells in your favor as the science of magic allows,
Wizard
February 15, 2006
Question: i only see my boyfriend like once a week and now it seems like it is getting really boring. Should i dump him
ANSWER: If you’re bored and thinking about dumping, the answer is yes.
Wizard
February 9, 2006
Question: my boyfriend and i have been dating for about 9 months. everything was going pretty well until about a month ago when we decided to have sex (we were both virgins before that). it seems like ever since we started having sex, we've been fighting constantly. we've tried to work things out but nothing has changed. i really like him but i dont know if i can deal with this constant fighting for much longer...
what should i do?
ANSWER: Dump him. Constant fighting is not a healthy (or fun) relationship. Having sex together is not a sufficient basis to keep a relationship going. You should be having fun all the time – not fighting.
Mark this Wizard's Wisdom: Sex for the sake of sex is excess. If you are about to dump him, which is the right course to take for the reason stated, you must not have more sex with him.
Wizard
February 9, 2006
Question: there is this guy ive been with for a couple of weeks. he really seems to like me but i preferred it before. hes soooo nice but im just not attracted to him and its nearly valentines day so its harsh to dump him. what shall I do
ANSWER: The wizard does not know what you preferred before. However, the answer is yes, dump him. If you are not attracted to him, don’t mislead him. That is worse than a dump. Valentine’s Day is not an excuse to mislead someone further.
Wizard
February 6, 2006
Question: He says I'm the one and he's said that we are going to get married one day. He says that his feelings (that he loves me) haven't changed, and has said that he wants to be with me forever.
We're in a long-distance relationship. When he came home after 11 months he didn't come and see me for a week. We actually didn't spend much quality time together for the month that he was home. He doesn't make the effort. He has lied to me. More often than not he doesn't answer my questions. And when he does he takes forever and answers them vaguely. He doesn't even call me that much anymore, and when he does, after talking for about a minute, he'll tell me there's a minute left on his calling card, but that might be cos I'm not talking cos I'm pissed off with him. He says it should be all about me, and "I'm sorry", and he says he's not being sarcastic. I'm not at the top of his priority list, and it hurts.
He acts like I'm a guarantee in his life. I don't feel like he appreciates me.
Should I break up with him? Or am I just being paranoid cos it's the longest relationship we've both been in? I don't want to regret a decision to break up with him.
ANSWER: You are not paranoid. All the signals are there that your boyfriend has lost interest. He should be pursuing time with you every opportunity he has. You are not a guarantee in his life and he should find out. The wizard recommends a dump.
Wizard
February 6, 2006
Question: OK, so i have a boyfriend right and like we have been going out for about 6 months and he has done a bit of crap thats annoyed me and i forgave him. recently i did something bad ..i just ..i said 2 my best friend that i dont think i love him as much anymore and of course he found out. but he forgave me. just recently we seem to be drifting apart. should i give him some space or just dump him ...and its also like a week before valentines day so i dunno what should i do ?
ANSWER: Did you tell your best friend the truth, that you don’t think you love your boyfriend as much anymore? If you did, a dump is appropriate. If you did not tell the truth, then I would give your boyfriend some space.
Wizard
February 6, 2006
Question: This guy never lets me hang out with my friends or save money. He hardly ever lets me see my family. Hates me working and can never leave me alone for more than an hour. We have been dating for 2 years. Should I dump him?
ANSWER: Why, yes. He should have been dumped one year and 364 days ago.
Wizard
February 3, 2006
Question: Should I, should I not………. I have a fantastic boyfriend named William. I have been with William for 8 months and have been happy. We don’t really have problems although it is still a relatively new relationship.
My problem…… I have a friend named David. He and I became friends after I had a terrible relationship. We connected and bonded so closely. We had our first kiss and decided we don’t want to loose the friendship. David left overseas and my heart broke. It was fine just being friends but when he left I realized I loved him. We
communicated over emails and he felt the same for me. He came back after a year and we had a relationship both of us knowing he is going overseas again. I had such a great time with him. David left and I was willing to wait for him but he told me not too. So I moved on and met William. I let William chase me for a long time before I gave in. It has been great with him. We live in a house together and live happily ever after. BANG …. David is back for good. William does know about David and feels insecure about him which I do understand so I don’t see David often. The problem is I have never been able to just let go of David. It feels to me like my bond with him is too great. I want to know what to do……. HELP
ANSWER: Funny, isn’t it, how you can be so lucky to meet two great guys but be so unlucky to have them at the same time.
You could wait a while, hoping that you might see something in one of them that would convince you which one to choose. But if you wait too long, one of them might find the situation too intolerable and dump you. It is not likely that both will stay with you sharing you with the other.
If you wait until one of them decides he can’t put up with this any more, or until one of them finds another girl, you are letting events out of your control dictate what happens. You might in fact lose both. A small minority would think this is better – to just let it fall out the way it does so you don’t have to make a decision.
The wizard thinks you are not in that minority. If you think it is better to take the reins and make a decision, you need to determine which guy is better for you.
If you dump David, you might always wonder what might have happened if you didn’t. But if you dump William, you might later have to dump David, or get dumped by David, and then you’ll regret that you dumped William.
Your feeling of attachment to David might not be the kind of attachment that lasts. You have not lived with him as you have for eight months with William, though you shared an important moment in your life with David. Not knowing your age or maturity, the wizard cannot assess the meaningfulness of the connection you feel with David. You might never know, really, unless you could test it.
The wizard thinks William is more tried and true. David’s connection to you, based on what has been said in your question, appears less likely to be as deep and committed. If you insist the wizard must give you an educated, reasoned, and wise estimation (not a sure answer), stay with William.
Wizard
February 1, 2006
Question: He went out with some work colleagues last night and got so drunk that he crashed at a friend’s place. The problem is, I told him I’d leave him alone for the night so he could enjoy himself. I just had one single request, that he let me know when he was home or safe. He didn’t do that for me, claimed to be too drunk to call. But when I’m out, no matter how drunk I am, I still make the effort to let him know when I’m home because I know how he worries. How could he be so inconsiderate?
ANSWER: This question seeks not the wisdom of the wizard. It asks what motive (or lack of motive) can explain his failure to call when he cannot get home because he is too drunk. The wizard is not an expert on the failures of those who get drunk – and more so, the wizard does not know him.
As for whether you should dump him, if you have asked, you should not dump him for his failure to call. But you might consider whether a much bigger problem exists if he drinks so much he can’t go home or call home. The drinking itself might be part of the cause or maybe the entire cause of the problem.
Wizard
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