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April 28, 2007
Question: I met this guy. He's been so strange because the first month of our relationship he asked for sex, which I wasn't willing to give
up until I really was sure I felt something for him. So he told me it was over, then called me back and said he’s sorry. So I took him
back. 3 months later, I slept with him. I fell in-love (stupid me). Then, about three months after that he broke-up with me. He said the reason
was because we are from two different religions. This has been going on for two years on and off. He tells me now that we’re just friends
but we are acting like more than that. I try to avoid his calls. He comes to my house even though he lives in another state. I always give in.
What do I do? I still have strong feelings for him. He thinks he controls me and what I do but, oh yeah, we’re friends. I'm torn. Life is
at a halt. Can you please give me steps or advice on how I can solve my issue? Thanks.
ANSWER: He is not fair to you when he tells you that you can’t date each other because of different religions and then shows up at
your door because you still have feelings for him. You should recognize that he needs to commit to you, and date you (even if across state
lines!), or leave you alone.
You are not fair to yourself if you let him get away with it.
Step one: Do you still love him? If so, Step two: Tell him so. If he responds negatively, you should know and understand that this is a
dead-end street of a relationship. If he reacts positively, then get on with it!
If you do not still love him, or if he does not love you, what are you doing to yourself? Tell him to go away, mean it, and stick with it.
If he shows up at your door, shut it.
Wizard
April 27, 2007
Question: He smokes weed and says he will quit when he has more responsibilities and feels it's necessary. He is a teacher and coach. More
responsibilities means when he is a father. I am pretty straight-laced and haven't been around weed in my lifetime. How much is too often? He
used to do it only once in a while. Now he is comfortable smoking a bowl after work during the week. He says he doesn't need it, just enjoys it
and could easily go without it.
ANSWER: Nothing indicates that he is a drug addict. However, if the use and possession of marijuana is illegal in your location, he should
abstain. Worse, his use of the drug is not a good model for the children he teaches and coaches.
If he keeps it private at home, and if it does not cause harm or risk causing harm to him or anyone near him, it is like someone drinking
alcohol – and may not warrant a whole lot of disapproval – but it is inappropriate if it is illegal. Imagine risking your future
career and reputation over a pipe-bowl of marijuana. Seems ridiculous, doesn’t it?
In answer to your question: Any amount is too much if his students know or can learn about his use of it. If it is illegal, he should
abstain for at least his reputation’s sake. If it is legal, any amount that is private and that does not cause or risk causing harm is
okay.
Wizard
April 24, 2007
Question: ok, so the guy i wrote to u about on april 16, u didnt write back, but now there is more stuff. my friend william came to visit
this week. he's 14, two years older than me. and so when jack met him he was pretty mean, and started telling some people that me and william
sleep in the same bed and stuff like that. no one really says anything about that, which is ok. but jack is just killing me!!! he is not talking
to me, but when he does, he's always saying something mean. now i never let him see that it bothers me. all i do is think of a comeback, or go on
talking to my friends and ignore him. i definitely do not like him, because now i hate him. but that still doesn’t change the fact that he
lives close to me, and is in my class at school. so i see him almost every day. i am really tired of him, and don’t know what to do. he is
really getting on my last nerve, but at least i have my BFF's by my side.
ANSWER: The wizard reads and ponders every message, from anyone, and with any content. Not all messages (because there are too many) can be
answered. This message is a running diary.
Running diaries, statements without questions, and short blurbs will not be answered on this page.
The wizard wishes to impart wisdom and sensibility to all – but to be answered, one must submit something worthy to answer.
Wizard
April 24, 2007
Question: Me and my boyfriend broke up about 6 months ago. He had left me for another woman. We have 2 children together ages 3 & 6.
There were times when my kids needed things and he would tell me he did not have any money, but then I would find receipts such as movie tickets
for 2 people and items for himself. That was who it was for. Right before, he and his mom put me and my kids out on the street. His mom said that
I had to take my kids and leave and to also take him. Right after I had a week to find somewhere to go, he was still living there. He had this
all planned. My confusion is if he really cared what happens to me and especially his children when he knew that I had nowhere to go. About 2
weeks ago, he went to see his kids and saw a text message from another guy and he started questioning about it. Lately he has been giving me
money for his kids and helping me, which he did not before. Then he starts talking about the girl he was seeing and questioning me if I had been
with any one since we had separated. Which I feel that it is none of his business, since we were not together and he left me and had thrown me
and the children out. He is a very jealous person as well. Yesterday he went looking for an apartment for me, him, and our children. I did not
expect this and neither did he tell me this. He also used to complain that he wanted an independent woman that does not depend on him all the
time, and at the same time he tells me that I will not have to worry about anything. He said that he wants to give this relationship one last
try, but I am scared because I am staying with my father and he told me that he is no good. Now if I move in with him and the relationship does
not work I will be out on the street again.
ANSWER: Your father is probably more stable than your boyfriend and living with him is probably more secure. If your boyfriend (and father
of your children) cares about you and his children, he would be paying regular child support.
Wizard
April 23, 2007
Question: My boyfriend watched my kids and my sister’s kids on Saturday night for me. Originally, I had someone else to watch them.
Well, I was hanging out with my sister and he called my cell phone twice and then called her cell phone. Since the music was so loud we did not
hear the call. The next day he told me that her 3 year old daughter woke up and that he left her crying for an hour and locked himself in my room
and ignored her. Because we did not answer, he just left her. Should he be trusted around children and should I leave him.
ANSWER: Your cell phone should have been on “vibration” mode so you would have answered the call. Your boyfriend should have
attended to the child, even if he couldn’t reach you. Next time you will be more accessible and he will be more attentive.
If he can’t see that he was wrong to leave her alone, and cannot agree to how he will respond the next time, he should not be left
with the children.
Wizard
April 23, 2007
Question: I have been dating this guy for a little over a year. Last week he told me that someone told him "No disrespect but your girl
is a freak.” He told me a few days after it was told to him. This was said by someone in my building. I do not know why this was said, but
he did not say anything to the person when it was said. Should he have said anything, if this guy I'm with respected me, or does he just not
care. I have done no acts to make myself look like a freak.
ANSWER: What was said is demeaning, hurtful, and disrespectful.
People can sometimes act freakish, but no one is a freak. Everyone is a unique, valuable, interesting person, no matter what he or she looks
like or acts like.
What worries the wizard is that your boyfriend repeated it to you. He should have dismissed it as a ridiculous comment from a non-thinking
buzzard. Telling you served no purpose but to spread the hurtful remark to your ear.
Wizard
April 22, 2007
Question: hey, i have a boyfriend, and we’ve been dating for around 5 months. it’s my longest yet. but the way it is now is
completely different to as it was at the start. i recently went on a holiday and when i came back i didn’t feel a little excited to see
him, and that’s not a good sign. He gets angry at me if i don’t choose him and always gets on my nerves. if i dumped him i
wouldn’t know what to say and why. what should i do?
ANSWER: Tell him you are not ready for a relationship going this long and that you want to break it off as friends.
Whether he believes any of it is not important. All that he needs to know from what you say is that you want the dating to end but in a good
way. He should get that message easily and fully if you say the above, unless he is a menace.
Wizard
April 21, 2007
Question: OK. I AM GOING OUT WITH DARYL WHO DUMPED KAREN IN A REALLY RUDE WAY BY USING DANIEL INSTEAD OF HIMSELF TO SAY IT’S OVER!!!
AND I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD LET HER DUMP HIM THE SAME WAY HE DUMPED HER OR JUST ME AND SHE REALLY, REALLY NEEDS TO HAVE IT DONE AND OVER
WITH. I WANT TO SAY YES, BUT I DON’T KNOW. HELP ME!!!!!!!!
ANSWER: You can tell Daryl that Karen is glad he dumped her without being rude, if that is what you are asking. If you are asking something
else, just remember you can say almost anything and not be rude, if you are careful about what you say.
Wizard
April 21, 2007
Question: My boyfriend wants us both to be able to sleep with other people if we have each other’s permission.
ANSWER: This is a license for trouble. Good, if you want a reputation as a lascivious wench. Think about it. If you get dumped, he’ll
talk about it. If you dump him, he’ll talk about it. And every guy you “knew” will talk about it.
Wizard
April 19, 2007
Question: All right, I’ve been dating this dude. He's not hot. He's not popular, and honestly, lately he's been annoying me a whole
bunch. Should I wait it out and see if it gets better? Or should I just get rid of his sorry ***** ***?
ANSWER: Sure, get rid of it, but don’t kick it.
How hot or popular he is matters only if it is important to you. If he has been annoying you a whole bunch lately, that alone is reason to
dump.
Wizard
April 18, 2007
Question: The guy I am dating, my mom hates, and she doesn't know that I’m dating him. If my dad ever found out, he would beat him up.
I also don't have the same feelings anymore. I can't even say I love you to him anymore.
ANSWER: Five good reasons to change it to, “The guy I was dating, . . . .”
Wizard
April 18, 2007
Question: Hi, I have been dating this guy for a month. His family invited me and my children to a birthday party there. When I was going to
leave, his father insisted that I stay the night because it was almost 2:00 a.m., it was dangerous to leave at that time, his son would sleep on
the couch, and I would sleep in the room with the kids and leave in the morning. After my children fell asleep, we were watching TV and he wanted
me to sleep with him in the room with him. I told him no because of my children finding me in there instead of with them. He got so mad. He said
that he does not have time for these games and said he was leaving to a strip club. Then he came back in and apologized. He said he should not
have done that and that I could sleep in the room with the kids. After that he started saying that he loved me and expected me to say it back to
him. Suddenly he got so mad. I could not say it back and I had explained that to him. Well, he did not take it too good. I started to speak to
his relatives. They tell me that he has hit a girl before and he has a bad temper when he does not get his way. Even though he said that he would
never do something like that, I find it weird. It seems that if he is spoiled or something, he has a bad fit. I have never been in a situation
like this. Oh, he drinks alcohol as well. What should I do?
ANSWER: You will see this behavior again and again, and you do not want your children to suffer through it too. His apology does not make
it okay. A time will come when he will not apologize.
Find someone else.
Wizard
April 16, 2007
Question: ok, so the guy i wrote to u on april 9, and march 12, has been on my mind, and yet i hate him! he stopped sitting next to me on
the bus, and now is back to dissing me. now it’s like all the good times disappeared from his mind, and we're not friends at alllllll. he
barely ever talks to me, and when he does its usually an insult or just something that i wouldn’t consider a conversation, or nice. but
i’m not sure about myself, cause i know i don’t like him. the thing is, i keep thinking of him as a different person. when i imagine
him in my mind, he’s a completely different person. and, i just realized, he isn’t the guy i've been dreaming about all this time.
it’s just his body (which, by the way, has nothing to like). although i did like him, i don’t even know why, i just want him out of
my life so i can forget him, so he can be invisible to me. but he would find some way to get back to me, like he would still hear me talking to
someone else, and join in. what do i do????
ANSWER: If you are unable to shut him out of your mind, as appears to be your situation, try to distract yourself with another interest. It
could be a different guy, a friend, a brother or sister, a hobby, or some other activity that attracts you and will help you occupy your mind.
Another idea is to take on a project. Something at home would be best because it would be convenient and easy to direct your attention to it. The
project could be as simple as reading on a subject that interests you. It could be more complicated and involved, like building or making
something. If you get started on something, and really enjoy it, your mind will find new things to “fix on” and naturally lose space
and time for him.
Wizard
April 15, 2007
Question: Hey! I wrote to you before and just wanted to say, firstly, thank you for the advice you gave me then. It was VERY insightful and
wise.
Anyway, I'm now writing on a completely different but still dumping-related conundrum. My flatmate has been going out with a guy for about a
year and a half now. He lived with us in our flat for the 1st year that they were going out but, in the last 6 months, she's moved into his house
(which is off campus). So, I hardly ever see her except for a lunchtime or two per week. But whenever I do see her, all she does is talk about
this guy and it really sounds like things aren't going well. She's made so many sacrifices for him and he just takes advantage of her. He owes
her loads of money. He threatens to hit her. He is possessive to the point of forbidding her to talk to HIS flatmates when he's not there. It's
ridiculous and also really hard to see her throwing herself away on this guy.
She's a lovely girl and could do so much better. I've said as much to her. I told her that if our roles were reversed, she'd be telling me
to get out of the relationship. I suggested just taking a break from him and stuff, but she just laughs when I say it. I think she's become kind
of dependent on him.
My question is: Do you have any wise or insightful comments that may help me suggest the dump in a sensitive way? And how far should I go in
showing her I think she's in an awful relationship? I value our friendship and am tiptoe-ing around the issue at the moment, just coz I'm worried
that if I offend her she'll stop talking to me. Then she won't have anyone locally to turn to if things get rough with her boyfriend. Does that
make sense? Sorry this is such a loooong rant! Thanks again for last time!
ANSWER: Your question makes a whole lot of sense.
You want her to come to you when she realizes a problem exists. If you continue to press her about the relationship, you risk becoming a nag
and a nuisance, and you might be the last one she goes to for help.
You said enough for her to know what you think. Do not repeat it. Your flatmate is simply not ready to heed your advice.
What you need to do is stay in touch – stay available – stay involved as a friend. Just by being there you will do all that you
can.
Your friend needs to find out for herself what kind of relationship she is in. You are a better friend if you can be patient with your
thoughts and give her the room she needs to learn her lessons from her own experience. She will be better for it, even if she suffers some in the
meantime.
When she confides in you and asks for your opinion, be supportive. Do not say “I told you so.” Do not remind her how you tried
to tell her. Share her feelings (enthusiasm, relief, joy, or grief) and encourage her to be positive about her future, and remind her that you
will always be around to help her.
By the way, if the relationship does turn physically abusive, you will want to be more aggressive as a friend. Tell her that male violence
is pure malevolence and must not be tolerated under any circumstance. We all hope that your friend will be strong enough to heed your advice at
that moment.
Wizard
April 14, 2007
Question: I don't get physical really with my boyfriend, nor really am I that attracted to him. We live together. I can trust him and it's
harmonious. I am secure with him because he really is in love with me, but sometimes I really wish I was in love with him in that same way. I
used to be in love with a complete narcissist. When I started writing poetry and entertaining the complete ghost I had become inside, I left.
Now, I am happier to just be back to normal after a few years of not being with Mr. Narcissist. The guy I've been with for 3 years now pays all
of our rent and lives to make me happy. Would you trade a treasure for an empty box? Well...which one is the treasure and which one is the empty
box? This is Francine and you have answered my questions before, and I enjoy your wizardry. But seriously, should there be sparks or should there
just be a harmonious lifestyle. I'm obsessed with balance but maybe even at the cost of my very own passion (lust). I want it all though.
ANSWER: Which one is the treasure? Better to ask: Is either one treasure? Which one is the empty box? Better to ask: Which one has more in
the box? As strange as it may seem, most guys have something in the box. It is only a question of which guy is better for you. A box of candy for
one is a box of tooth decay for another.
Should sparks fly? Or is it better to have balance? Both, actually. Sparks are exiting flashes, momentary, but exhilarating. Balance is
evenness, smooth going, and though it can never last too long, seldom is balance only momentary. One (sparks or balance) always follows the other
(assuming the guy offers both), and either without the other gets boring.
A narcissist will ignite some sparks, but he is by definition an empty box. The other guy, if no sparks ignite, is boring. You need to find
a third guy with sparks and balance.
Wizard
April 11, 2007
Question: Hi, I have been with this guy for a 1 1/2 years. I am no longer in love with him but I still care for him. I had many problems in
the past with him because in the past he used to sleep in my hallway if I did not answer the door. The other night I caught him looking through
my text messages. If I go out with my friends and if I am not home at a certain time he calls me like 10 - 20 times. He knows where I am, and I
can be with friends he still does the same thing. He does not take me out either. I want to break up with him and I don't know how to tell him
this. Do you think I should dump him? If so, how should I break it to him without getting him upset.
ANSWER: This guy should be dumped and, no matter how you tell him, he will be upset.
You can start by trying to reason with him, though you probably (haven’t you?) already told him you don’t want him sleeping
outside your door, looking through your text messages, and calling you 10-20 times when you’re not home. You shouldn’t need to do any
more than tell him once because any self-respecting half-wit knows that this behavior is fatal to a relationship.
Your next communication, though you care for him, should be stronger, without compromise or pity. If you are not clear and direct with him,
and perhaps forceful (in your words), he might linger and pester or worse. You cannot allow yourself to be his victim; he is his own victim.
Wizard
April 10, 2007
Question: my best friend wants to dump her boyfriend but wants me to do it. However i fancy this boy and it would upset me to have to hurt
him. Or would it be a good thing, as he knows that i'm single and could be his shoulder to cry on?
ANSWER: You might not fancy him any longer if you do it. Or worse, he’ll never fancy you for it. Better that your friend does her own
dirty work. She wants to dump him – she should learn how to do it, if she hasn’t learned already.
If you like him, ask him out. That will help him feel better, and who knows, he might dump her after you ask him out. Then you accomplish a
whole lot without the dirty work.
Wizard
April 9, 2007
Question: Ok, so the guy that i wrote to u about on march 31, and another time after that, is on my mind, AGAIN! It was spring break so we
didn’t talk for a while. Then we come back to school today and he talks to me, which is weird cause i expected him to ignore me, or be mean
to me. He talked to me at least 7 times and they weren’t short! Then on the bus he sat next to me and started doing the whole routine
again: he held my hand and tried to put his arm around me, and stuff like that. he got close to me and hugged me. but he did all that with a
smile on his face to let me know it’s a joke. so now i cant stop thinking about it and don’t know why he did it. i don’t know
if i like him. i’m kind of in this feeling like i think i might like him, but if he asked me out i would say no because i want to be with
him but there’s a part of him that i just HATE. That’s what is stopping me. Also because i know it won’t be the same, because i
know what it’s like dating him.
ANSWER: If he asks you out, say yes and find out for sure if you like him. If he doesn’t ask you out, you should tell him to stop
treating you like you are his girlfriend – because you aren’t if he doesn’t ask you out!
Wizard
April 8, 2007
Question: I'm 37, he's 47. He's been suggesting that we go out for the last 12 months but I've kept saying NO because I've watched him from
afar chase too many women. Unfortunately, he got under my skin. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He called and asked me out for
dinner. I arrived on time but there is no sign of him. I wait half an hour and call him. He says he fell asleep after a long day’s work and
apologized and said he'd be there soon. He turned up and the night although spoiled, was OK. 4 weeks later, he messages me and asks me if I want
to go to a concert. I say yes. I don't hear from him again for another month. On the night that the concert would have been on, I go out with my
girlfriends. He turns up. Someone asks us if we are dating and we both say NO. I tell the person who asks us that he is too busy dating everyone
else to date me. He gets offended and messages me the next day saying that he is saving himself for me. HOW is that, I wonder. He does NOTHING to
assist this relationship in anyway except to flirt by text message! Should I dump him before I even pick him up?
ANSWER: This is one weird way to keep a girlfriend. Fall asleep, miss the first date. Wait four weeks to set up a second date. Don’t
communicate at all until the date. He’s a sure-fire mis-fire. Give him a pre-lit acetylene torch and he still couldn’t fire up a pile
of kerosene-soaked coals.
How does a 47 year-old save himself for a date?
Categorize this guy as simply weird and too non-assertive to get your nod – unless you like that kind guy.
Wizard
April 4, 2007
Question: Hey, me again, chick moving to India. Sorry to bother with all this issue again. So after he said he would give me a call when he
would find the sunglasses, I didn't believe him (he loves them and wears them all the time so I know he has them). I sent him an email saying I
would go to his place on Sunday night to pick up my stuff. I know that he would read it and never get back to me. I know that I should probably
let it go but just the thought of giving the sunglasses to this dude that didn't have the guts to break up with me just makes me sick. I am
certain that he's not going to call me for the sunglasses or the book that I remembered I had at his place. I don't want to show up in his
apartment again because he'll think I am a psycho or something. I just want my stuff back. I don't want to see him again. This is not an excuse
to see him, which is probably what he thinks. Please help me. I am running out of ideas and this story is driving me nuts. Thank you.
ANSWER: The stuff is not so important because it can be replaced. If you truly don’t want to see him again, go buy a new pair of
sunglasses and get yourself another copy of the book you left at his place. Call it quits.
Wizard
April 3, 2007
Question: The guy I'm dating became upset one night when I told him he was “acting up.” I told him this because he was
repeatedly teasing me about something that I don't even remember now. That night when I asked him if he was going to help me by referring me to a
mechanic (because I was having car problems), he gave me the silent treatment, dropped me off at home, and didn't say anything. The next day I
called him and left a message on his cell phone (I wanted his help) so I left a message asking if the mechanic I had chosen to fix my car was
someone he knew and if he thought it was ok to go there. (Boyfriend knows and does business with many car shops). My message asked to call me
back. His silent treatment lasted 5 days! On the fifth day he called me, but would leave no messages on my cell phone. By this time I was fuming!
I didn't expect this from a 'relationship' of two years. I've been avoiding him since then - 3 days ago - because I'm still feeling angry,
disappointed and confused. Is this definitely a dump situation?
ANSWER: This is pretty minor stuff for silent treatment that lasts so long. Are you sure there isn’t something more serious that is
wrong with the relationship? Ask him what is bothering him so you can clear the air and get it resolved. Otherwise you risk losing the entire
relationship over . . . whatever it is.
If he can’t or won’t communicate with you about the “problem,” then whatever it is that bothers him is serious
enough for a dump.
Wizard
April 2, 2007
Question: I've been dating this guy on and off for the last few months. I dumped him once after a month because I've been in love with my
friend who's a boy for years, but I doubt he feels the same. So a month and a half ago, I got back together with the guy because I thought I
moved on and I would give it another chance. Now my feelings for my friend are back. What should I do?
ANSWER: If your friend wants to date you too, then he becomes a boyfriend and the guy gets dumped again.
Wizard
April 2, 2007
Question: Okay, please tell me how to forget the guy that i wrote to u about on March 31, cause i can't, and i'm going crazy! It's spring
break for another week and i haven’t seen him in three days. when i get lonely i always think of him. i really keep telling myself that he
doesn’t exist and isn’t worth going through all that again, but I'm not sure what to do. i’m only 12 and already i’m
having problems with a guy i cant stop liking! although i don’t even know if i like him or if its just that i want him to like me, or just
be friends w/ him. although i know that if we were friends i would still want him to like me, even if i didn’t do anything about it.
ANSWER: Friendship, as with dating, is a two-way street. If you like him, he must like you. To be liked for what you are, and not for
anything you pretend to be, you want to be yourself and be around him so he notices you. If he likes you and has an interest in being near you,
he will find ways to be near you, and your relationship will grow.
If that doesn’t happen, even if you like him, it might be that he is more interested at this time in his life in other things. If he
is your age, or thereabouts, as a young guy he is likely to have several interests and some of them will take high priority over you. This is not
because you have anything wrong with you; it is simply him following a normal preference for what seems to him at the time to have more
importance. Usually nothing judgmental (requiring a lot of thought) drives the thinking of a young guy that age in choosing his likes and
dislikes.
Now all that may sound like gobbledy-gook to you, but if you think about it, you will see what the wizard is saying. If you can understand
his indifference, you can then appreciate how little your desire for him to be a friend matters to him. Understanding that, you will be able to
focus your mind on other interests you have, and therefore take your mind off him. It takes time and it may require some effort from you, but you
can focus on other things that matter to you and eventually take yourself away from these feelings that cause you so much trouble.
Based on facts you have given in previous questions, he has been playing games on you (flirting and then disappointing you). Learning to
ignore him and developing other interests to take your mind off him is a good idea.
Wizard
April 2, 2007
Question: Hey there, me again, the chick moving to India.
I decided to go to his apartment this morning, I wanted my expensive sunglasses back and I also wanted him to face me without expecting me
there, just for the amusement of seeing his reaction and see what the speed for making up excuses was. Well, well, well.
He sees me there and fakes a weird smile, so then I deliver my well-prepared speech: "I don't want to harass, you just want to close
this chapter. I think that after all this time together you should have told me right away instead of hiding and not picking up the phone, etc. I
was actually calling you to end this, blah blah blah, I'd like to have my sunglasses back, blah blah."
He looked like crap, all pale, told me that he had the most stressing weekend and week and he was planning to give me a call on Wednesday
and when I asked for what, "to tell me that it's over?", he said "yes", and then he started to tell me something like
"you're moving to India, blah blah, I think if we keep seeing each other for these coming 4 weeks it's going to be painful and I don't want
a long distance relationship blah blah."
So all of a sudden it's because I am moving out of the country. I said that I believed he lost the interest in me a long time ago and for
some reason never told me or never broke up with me. I'd like to believe him, just so I don't feel so bad with myself that I spent 3 months
wasting time with somebody that didn't care. I really wanted to believe him (he did a great performance, all pale, looking as if he felt terribly
bad for what was happening, saying how cute I looked), but then I think that if after all this time I don't deserve a call, a text or an email,
it's just because it meant nothing to him. Am I right??
ANSWER: Believe him. It’s difficult to pretend a pale complexion, though its cause could be something else. For guys “out of
sight, out of mind” is normal if his interest in a girl has waned. A girl will want to know why. She will ponder the circumstances. A guy
will forget it all until he is reminded. Your presence reminded him.
Wizard
April 1, 2007
Question: 2 years ago I reunited with an old love of 28 years ago. He lived on the West coast and I live on the East coast. He moved in with
me and asked me to marry him, to which I accepted. However, in the interim, he couldn't find work on the East coast so he had to move to the West
coast to find employment, which I believed was temporary until he found work on the East coast. He asked me to move, sell my house and leave my
family to be with him. I declined because I truly believed that was not the way to go, since I believed it was temporary. He has been very angry
and says that I abandoned him. He has not seen me in 6 months and refuses to talk on the telephone with me for the last 3 months. Only wants to
talk (sporadically) through text messaging and emails. Still says he loves me deeply but that I hurt him and he doesn't feel he can trust me
right now. Says I need to regain his trust. Meanwhile I am the one that tries to reach him and he never initiates communications. What’s Up
with this? Should I dump him?
ANSWER: Twenty-eight years ago this man was not the same man he is today. He is built with the same bone and muscle, but after that many
years the psyche of the man changes. Age does that, simple as that. The wizard is not saying this has anything to do with his thinking and your
problem, but it is background for consideration.
He is presumptuous to conclude you abandoned him and he is childish to avoid communicating.
He feels hurt. In his mind you failed to follow him when, if you really loved him, you would do so without a flinch. He is looking for you
to say you love him, you are sorry, you made a bad mistake, and you will move out to live with him wherever he goes, if he will still take
you.
The problem is that you are not likely to want to say that. You shouldn’t unless it is all true. If you do not still love him, dump
him. If you still love him, but don’t want to move to wherever he is, don’t, but let him know you still love him. See if he can get
around to understanding that.
If it is really true that you feel you made a mistake and you are willing to follow him wherever he goes, you can say that, after which he
will graciously say, “Yes!” If he surprisingly says no, stay away from him – he was a mistake.
Be honest with yourself first. Then be honest with him. If he continues to avoid you, or cannot get over his disappointment, then you should
look for Mr. Right elsewhere.
Wizard
April 1, 2007
Question: Hi there. I am the chick that got a job offer from India whose boyfriend is a jerk. Not only did I find out that he had been
hitting on other women in the beginning of our relationship and started to do it again two weeks ago, I also found out that he described me as
"a rampant chick" that had sex with him and then rushed off to do her stuff, and he wasn't complaining because that situation was
satisfying him. What?? I have a perfectly controlled sexuality and I am a young, happy, and healthy woman. Not only that, but our sexual activity
was kind of low lately because HE WAS TIRED!!! and I was not satisfied.
Anyways, not only he has proved to me to be a great actor (honestly, call me fool, I didn't see this coming), he took total advantage of me
(nice person, always cheerful and in a good mood and working for this high-end retailer so he would get lots of expensive clothes from me for
free) and he's disappeared since last Sunday (one week today), doesn't reply to my texts, my emails or calls (I am not harassing him whatsoever,
but when things were ok we were emailing, texting and calling each other all the time, so he shouldn't feel harassed for: 1 call, 1 text and 1
email during a whole week). I am not even sad anymore (I spent 4 days crying when I found out about other women) and as a matter of fact, I am
surprisingly and extremely relieved that he's not in my life anymore, no more negative people around please. And I am happy I have time for
myself before I move to India, I can spend time with my friends that I love, go shopping and spend my money on me, not on such a major **** like
he is.
The only thing, please help me find a smart way to approach him (like pretending I'm the sweet and dumb girl he thinks I am so he will meet
me again) to get them back and most importantly tell him in person what I think he is (no cursing or scene I just want to tell him what I feel
for him in a calm and mature way) and I would also want to know why all of a sudden he doesn't get back to me. My conclusion is that he probably
sensed that something was wrong (or one of the women he was hitting on to replied to him) and wanted to break up with me but didn't want to face
the awkward situation (there was no apparent reason for us to break up as everything was cool) and didn't want me to cry (what a fool).
Thanks!!!
ANSWER: You want to approach him “to get them back,” to tell him what you think he is, and to know why he all of a sudden
doesn’t get back to you.
The wizard cannot determine from your message what you want to get back. The wizard thinks some how you will get them back, whatever they
are.
Clearly you are quite capable of telling him what he is, as you have laid it out quite plainly and entertainingly right here.
Your three guesses about why he doesn’t get back to you are all as good as the wizard’s guesses. A fourth possibility is that he
didn’t want to hear you tell him what he is – and you don’t have to – he already knows.
Your strategy to see him, pretending to be sweet and dumb, is difficult for you because, as sweet as you are, you are not dumb enough to
pretend to be dumb. Better to just be yourself. You are no longer sad; you are genuinely happy that this is over. Now you can be happy and
satisfied in his presence. Seeing you in that improved condition will communicate volumes of information to him about his loss and your gain. All
you have to do is be seen.
Wizard
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